A surprising aspect of intercultural communication is the way people greet each other around the world in general, and in the Netherlands and Flanders in particular. Greetings are quite different across cultures, ranging from hardly any physical contact at all (much of Asia) to big abrazos in Latin America. Let’s start with the simplest aspect: bowing. This greeting is quite common in Japan, but not used much in egalitarian Dutch society, nor in flamboyant Flanders, only when showing utmost respect on special occasions based on religious or formal etiquette codes.
But now the tricky part: kiss or shake hands? Generally speaking, the Dutch are less physical communicators than the Belgians or other Southerners. In comparison: two French people sitting in a café talking apparently touch each other about 110 times in one hour, while two Dutch people hardly do it at all. I guess two Belgians would touch about, say, 50 times. So the more neutral Dutch face this greeting dilemma on two occasions: in early January when you wish each other a happy new year, and at birthdays throughout the year when congratulating the birthday boy or girl. Only relatives, friends and close colleagues will venture going for the kiss. How many times? Traditionally three times, starting the ritual on the left side. And beware… unlike in many other cultures, only women with women and women with men exchange kisses (so not men together). Interestingly, young Dutch people now practice the “knussel”: one kiss only and a hug, which looks like the traditional US American greeting. For other occasions, it is a handshake, but only on formal occasions; so on a daily basis, only verbal greetings.
And the Belgians? They usually kiss (often just once), but sometimes also man to man, and shake hands more often than their Northern neighbours. They show in general more affect and pathos down there.
And what about French kissing, the intimate, romantic and passionate form of kissing? It is again by no means a universal practice, it is rather based on cultural, religious, social or personal orientations, as shown by a recent anthropological study of 168 cultures worldwide. Indeed, only 46% of cultures engage in intimate kissing. This includes most members of NUT for sure –or is it worth a case study at the conference in Maastricht?
But consider the figures first: we seem to use 146 muscles when we pucker up and then swap some 80 million new bacteria when we lock lips. And an average person will spend some 20,160 minutes – or two weeks of his of her lifetime doing it – not so sure what an average person is in this case… The longest kiss ever lasted 58 hours, 35 minutes and 58 seconds and was achieved by a Thai couple in February 2013 (Guinness World record). How many trillion bacteria did they exchange? Others from the 54% majority don’t fancy kissing that much: Mehinako people in Brazil, for example, find it gross, and they wonder why anyone would like to “share their dinner.” As shown by this example and confirmed by the study, intimate kissing is not common in traditional, agricultural, pastoral and hunter-gatherer societies. On the contrary, kissing has developed through the ages in complex, post-industrial societies in which there is time for and interest in erotic play. But practices around the world evolve in this respect too, as oral hygiene standards do too. To finish on an optimistic note: other studies in philematology (the science of kissing) have found that romantic kissing helps you choose the right life mate and it also helps you live longer. So make sure you share this positive info with people around you, but maybe you shouldn’t show it to your partner, as he or she may not like some of the facts… And don’t even get me started about eating garlic, because this is where Dutch and Flemish people do differ!
Vincent Merk – v.merk (at) tue (dot) nl,
trainer intercultural communication at University of Technology, Eindhoven
